Remembering Jane

While I was rummaging through my office stuff as preparation for our transfer to a lower floor, I saw an old photo. It was a picture of me, Marie, Cita and Jane taken on the eve of Jane’s brain surgery in 2003. It brought back sad memories of a dear friend who had already departed.

A note made by Jane at the back of the photo said:
“Nyt before d operation (14 May 2003) w/ my officem8ts…and
“Kirk”...my favorite stuff toy…”

In the photo: Marie, Jane, me, Cita

Jane was diagnosed of brain tumor in April 2003, though the doctors determined it was benign. I could still remember Jane being so brave about it all. I was telling her of my own experience when I was myself operated back in 2000 for meningioma. I kept telling her to be strong and everything’s gonna be alright the next day, as it was for me.

Her operation was successful. However, as consequence of the tumor that beleaguered her brain, she would have to learn to live a life with severe headaches and seizures. Jane had to regularly take medications to prevent her from having seizures. Just missing one piece of that medicine would mean definite seizure for her. Our common friends have seen her bouts of seizures and they would cry over her during those moments. I haven’t seen her on any of her seizures, but I guess I would have panicked as well.

Last year, Jane’s brother died due to a kidney failure. Jane called me the night her brother died and she was crying. All I could do was utter words of comfort but I know I couldn’t take away the pain she and her family are experiencing. Her brother’s death made Jane realize even more how vulnerable she is herself of her own illness. She was afraid to know the truth that’s why she refused to have her regular checkups with the doctor.

By the time she had to see the doctor because of unbearable headaches, it was when she knew the tumor grew back. I think it grew double than it was the first time. She felt so sad about it. She didn’t even want to tell her parents about it. But her parents noticed her failing health and her frequent headaches.

One day she told me that she had to take an MRI for a further check but she had no budget for it. I told her that as a regular employee of her company, she can’t admit herself in the hospital so that her company’s health insurance will cover her MRI exam. After that I haven’t heard of her. It turned out that she went home in Bataan and eventually she had herself confined to the hospital when one time she refused to wake up. Her mom recounted to me that she was trying to wake Jane up but she wouldn’t. Her tumor had affected her brain to the point that it was already swollen, resulting in her comatose-like condition.

We visited Jane in hospital sometime early this year. It was one of her countless admission to the hospital. She was in the ICU of a Bataan hospital. I could not recognize Jane as her face and body were swollen from the medications administered to her. She also had a lot of rashes as a result also of her medicines. It was an entirely different Jane. We had to take turns to try to talk to her. When one of our friends was whispering to her ear and told her that we were all there to see her, her tears were falling even if her eyes were closed. She was in such in a desolate state.

The first of May I received a phone call from Jane’s mom. I was nervous as I thought I knew what it was about. She was sobbing while telling me the news: Jane has died. It was really heartbreaking.

I could not imagine that she’s really gone. I have lost a dear friend. We had shared so many ups and downs in our lives. I think there was no day I haven’t thought of her since she died. Everytime I pass by Max Brenner in Greenbelt, I would remember the dinners we’ve shared over happy and sad stories. Just even seeing the Greenbelt façade brings back memories of our short but meaningful friendship. It feels like she’s still alive, only we’re not seeing each other.

But at least, she’s no longer suffering.

I'm a Charlotte!

My friend Eben forwarded me a link of a quiz that will determine which Sex and the City character I relate most to. Well, I've always thought I'm a Carrie (I think every girl does!) with her personality and everything that's happened to her. But I guess deep down I'm a Charlotte indeed. Or maybe a combination of Carrie and Charlotte. I guess I'd always have a Carrie in me somehow.

And perhaps the most significant thing that made me a Charlotte? It's still believing in love, after all.

You Are Most Like Charlotte!

You are the ultimate romantic idealist You've been hurt before, but that hasn't caused you to give up on love. If anything, your resolve to fall in love is stronger than ever. And it's this feminine optimism that men find most appealing about you. Romantic prediction: That guy you are seeing (or crushing on)? Could be very serious - if you play your cards right!

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

The French Connection

Last Saturday was Ludo and Ana's wedding. It was a busy week and day for all of us. For me, one of my concerns was my role as a host for the reception program. Reason why I really had to catch Angie and Ogie for their precious skills as makeover queens hehehe! Ogie made me an upswept hairdo and Angie gave me the smoky look. I requested Angie for the smoky eyes and pale lips as I haven't tried it before and I would only trust her to make it on me. I super love Angie and Ogie!!!

I got my makeup done already late. We left Ana's hotel room at the Grand Boulevard at around 2pm, which gives us an hour to get back home, dress up then proceed to the Kingdom Hall. It was such a tight time. Both Mike and I are so stressed with the short schedule. We came in late for the ceremony and it was the first time we were late for a wedding. We didn't like the idea, but the day was so full of hitches and glitches.

Anyway, thankfully the rains stopped that day. It was raining for the past week and it was fortunate enough that the 2 weddings I attended last week (last Tuesday was Franz's wedding), which were both garden weddings, the weather gave way for a dry one.

Ludo and Ana's wedding was nice and fun with the Filipiniana theme and setting. One that I particularly liked was the folk dance performed by the kids of Greenview. Well, I particularly liked Yumi's dancing hehehe! She dances so gracefully, mana sa ina! :)

And as requested by Ana, I was her french-speaking host. I had a difficult time preparing as I was busy with work. I only finished the script that Saturday morning! We had to at least give consideration to the French wedding guests as they understand only a little English. So I had to translate some important portion of the program so they would understand what's going on. Kawawa naman sila if they do not understand a thing diba!

The first lines I spoke in French, the French people applauded for me. I was surprised, I didn't expect that they would appreciate the effort. Perhaps they didn't expect that the program will be partly French, at least it made their lives much easier. They applauded for me twice, first was when I welcomed everybody, the second when I wished them "Bon appetit!" Europeans, I notice, in general, appreciate these little things more that we do.

I actually honestly enjoyed being the host, and practicing my French there as well. It made me realize that I should be continuously sharpening up my French. Sayang din kasi eh. The time I spent in UP majoring in French then not using it as a career. I originally wanted to be a Bethelite in New York or France and work as a translator, but oh well, some plans change. But I'd still want to hone my language skills and be able to help other people by communicating and connecting with them.

Now that I have new French friends, maybe this will be the time I will use my French more. Thus the French Connection!

Here are some of our pictures below:

with my favorite HMUAs in the world, Ogie Rayel and Angie Cruz

mon amour

pose muna for pictures

french-speaking host kunwari

having fun with the bubbles

It's all part of the act

I have been ‘bedridden’ for the past 3 weeks. I have a little pregnancy complication called sub-chorionic hemorrhage. It was seen in my first routine ultrasound last month. I didn’t have spotting yet but internal bleeding in the uterus is where it begins. My OB recommended complete bed rest for 2 weeks along with medications.

I was a bit worried of the situation but my doctor said it happens and it will resolve spontaneously. Good thing, my OB is super nice. She is Dra. Cecilia Reyes of Asian Hospital and Medical Center. She is so accommodating and warm to her patients. We have that kind of doctor-patient relationship that you would really appreciate. She reminds me of my equally great neuro-opthalmologist, Dr. Froilan Inocencio of Makati Medical Center. Dr. Inocencio was the one who operated on me in 2000 when I had meningioma. He is super mabait and funny. I never felt afraid during that difficult time in my health because he would always assure us that everything will be okay. Even after that on my routine consultations with him, he never fails to make me laugh. A good doctor really helps as their main responsibility is not only to heal physically but also psychologically. I’m thankful I’ve found these great doctors. I really like Dra. Reyes as I know I will not a scared come labor and delivery time.

As to my condition right now, I stayed at home for exactly 3 weeks now. I got really really bored even if I was entertained by the TV and I have my laptop with me at home. It is a different feeling if you don’t see anything or anybody else. I just have to be at home and in bed all the time, also avoiding going up and down the stairs. Hay hirap! Akala ko nga I will be falling into clinical depression na eh! For someone who is used to working and getting anywhere and everywhere, it was a total change for me to be just at home. Ok lang kung nasa bahay if I can do chores around the house so I won’t get bored, pero hindi din ako pwede mag-exert ng too much effort. Otherwise, it will bad for the baby and the bleeding might get worse. No wonder, some of the plain housewives I know are ‘desperate’ (this will be discussed in another story ;))

The doctor has given me the green light to resume work next week provided I feel ok and there will be no external bleeding or spotting. Makulit lang ako eh, tumawad ako if I can go back to work. OB is reluctant but I assured her that I won’t tire myself too much and I’m making arrangements for safer and easier travel to and from work. I miss work and my friends in the office. But I have a lot of thinking and contemplating about a lot of things and I guess the sabbatical helped tremendously with so many things.

Right now, there have been a lot of physical changes in my body. I’m also having a lot of nausea and vomiting! The thing I hate. It usually comes 10am-2pm and then again around 10pm-12mn. Galing diba? May oras talaga. It’s a good thing nasa bahay lang ako, pwede ako mag­­-vomit with mega emote hehehe! It’s irritating, you’ve just eaten, tapos you’ll feel like you just wanna throw it all back up. I want to gain at least minimal weight now but OB said that since vomiting and lack of appetite happens at this stage, I should expect no or little weight gain. It is normal and I will probably get back with my appetite in my fourth month. I was asking Tine, who a Registered Dietician, for some diet advice and she said that I could just eat anything since I’m already in my ideal weight.

I also saw Baby Peanut in my ultrasounds. His or her heart beat is really good and strong now and nakakatuwa to hear the heartbeat! He/She is already a human being now! I can't wait to see him/her in 6 months. I just hope that myself and Baby Peanut will be doing fine in the next weeks.

We're pregnant! part deux

It still feels surreal. I’ve only read about this in books and now it’s happening to me. I feel overwhelmed with everything that childbirth and motherhood will entail. I believe that this is a force bigger than me. The responsibilities of parenthood are such so colossal that if you didn’t raise your child well you have seriously failed at that. But under all circumstances, even if you have tried all your best, sometimes children have their mind and decisions of their own.

But why should I even be thinking about that? It’s way too early yet! I’m 5 weeks into the family way and all I have to concentrate on making my baby healthy at his point. Problem with me is that I think super forward. Hahaha! Maybe I’m just intuitive and wanting to anticipate things before they could even happen as long as these are things I can control.

Last Sunday when I made the test and the results came out positive, I had mixed emotions. I was happy and scared at the same time. Happy because finally we’re having a baby. Scared because parenthood I know is a difficult 20-year project (or even a lifetime!).

But more than that, we are very thankful for the precious gift. We are fortunate enough to be given such a blessing to rear and raise a child.

Up to now, I still can’t believe it. The truth hasn’t sunk in yet that we’re going to be parents in 8 months.

The moment I saw the two stripes I was screaming for my hubby to see it. We were laughing, not believing it. Since that time, Mike has been more caring and maasikaso to me (as he usually is), ensuring that I am always safe and comforable.

Right now, I am always conscious of my pregnancy. I would avoid walking too fast or carelessly walking through people as Mench told me that I should not have my tummy hit. The first trimester is delicate that I really have to be careful. I try to eat right by including fruits and vegetables in my meals everytime. I always remember to take my prenatal vitamins and milk. Folic acid and calcium are very important at this time.

I also need to condition my mind about pain. I expect a lot of pain especially during childbirth. Every check-up with the doctor would mean all this tests and examination and all that (every mom would know what these are). Kaya I have to practice "Mind over body". If I don't help myself in managing pain ako din ang mahihirapan. Maybe I need to attend Lamaze or Bradley classes and read books on Pain Management.

And most importantly, I need to be happy all the time. I avoid people who piss me off, baka mapaglihian ko sila hahaha! Dapat si Mike lang titignan ko! Bawal tumingin ng aesthetically unpleasant or those with negative vibes! People who take the energy and positive traits from you - emotional and energy vampires they are. I’m taking Mench’s advice of just being cheerful and having high spirits all the time. That’s why I just want to be with positive people.

I will be doing all these for the next 8 months.