Guestlists and Guests

One of the hardest things in planning a wedding is coming up with your guest list. Part of our Pinoy culture is to invite everyone we know. Be it be our bosom friends, former classmates, colleagues, relatives up to the nth degree, acquaintances, family friends, even people we are not close with. An engaged couple is expected to generate the list most of the time just to please everybody and make happy anyone that will come along their way.

But in these hard times, it is just not practical to invite the whole bayan. Mainly because budget is such a huge consideration in making a wedding possible. Wedding reception comprises already the 60% of the total budget. And how much that percentage actually translates into cash depends on how many you are inviting.

Just where do you start writing the names? It is just as difficult as recalling which people have made your life totally worth it. Of course, your immediate family and relatives must be part of your special day. Your friends, colleagues, family friends, brothers and sister in the faith, which are currently and have been part of your lives, whether when you were single or engaged, count too.

You have all the names, but keeping them to your minimum number is a lot harder. When you’re working to a 150 list, you need all the necessary reasons why someone deserves the honor of being invited. After all, it will be an issue why someone was not part of the list (as if it was a royal wedding J ). Only the couple has the single right on who becomes a part of their special day. They will solely decide and no one has to intervene on that.

But just how satisfied a couple is with their guestlist after the wedding? Just as in any project or cashflow, expect something like 15-20% downfall with the forecast. In our case, some of the downfall cancelled a week before which allowed us to replace the slots. During the actual day, two tables were missing with people. These people were the ones who confirmed in attending but sadly, didn’t show up. It was really unfortunate. These were already counted and paid heads. It is really gracious that when you can’t really make it, let the couple know. I had friends who won’t be able to come who informed me days before or even the day itself. That is was well taken, since a lot of these people had their valid reasons for not coming. But there are some who really didn’t care. Not even a word. It is just not their disregard but the people who we might have taken in. We carefully made the list making sure that everyone important to us is there.

But if these people didn’t realize the inconsideration, we might as well invited people who are sincerely happy for us. We took out of the list friends whom we haven’t seen for years, but days after our wedding genuinely congratulated us. We excluded people whom there have been petty gaps, but were there when the family needed them. We wanted to save face, but it our own guilt that is affecting us. The uninvited members of the congregation were the ones who wished us really well the way we weren’t made feel by those invited. I remember one elderly brother who weakly shook our hands and expressed how joyful he is for us and how he thought we were perfectly made for each other. I felt so guilty that time I wanted to put up a party just for those not there during the day.

It was so heartwarming that there are people who really cared and genuine, which in turn, doesn’t mean that all invitees are as sincere as well. I recall a couple, who before our wedding, made comments to my then-fiancé that they will be happy as long as he is happy and they will support him. In Filipino, kung saan ka masaya, suportahan taka. If I could just take them out of the list I would. Their remarks were distasteful and lacked proper breeding. They are quick in making judgments and conclusions. My only message is, Get all your facts right and It is your business to mind your own business!

But then again, it is said that you should never rely your happiness on your whether your guests had a great time, were ecstatic or were actually there at your wedding. After all, you can’t please everybody. Even if you treated them well or spent your last centavo just to serve them the elusive caviar, there will always be statements circulating, whether these are true or just figments of the imagination. I remember a wawie posting a message telling us that do not be sad if your guests had nasty comments, but be sad because you invited someone who is not able to appreciate the honor of being invited. This goes to those who forgot and those who had always something to say. But whatever it is, what is important is getting married. After all, after the wedding, it just falls down to the both of you.